|Baby Andrew and his Mama holding hands|
Oct 22, 2001
So lets start at the beginning, October 22, 2001 my son was born 22 wks gestation. He died shortly thereafter in my arms.
His name is Andrew Joseph.
Here I am 11 1/2 yrs later taking this course. A lot of learning, a lot of thinking, re-thinking and reflection is happening.
I am posting this discussion on my blog and I need your help. I hope to understand through the answers I receive to understand and know the fears or misconceptions or even truths that come from this discussion. Remember this is how you feel, the only thing I need from you is A. the truth and B. to be respectful, if someone post something that you do not agree with this is not forum for bitter arguing, it is the place for discussion and learning from each other.
All over the world babies die at birth. Afterwards parents are stunned, shocked and grieving. When a baby dies gestationally 20 wks or more these parents are required by law to bury that baby, by cremation or burial.
Many forms of funerals happen or even no funeral happens.
This is my question.
What if the parents want to take the baby home?
I can think of several reasons.
Maybe to spend time with the baby alone, in a place of love and not a sterile hospital or a funeral home.
Maybe to have a home funeral.
Perhaps the parents want to take the baby home to meet pets.
Maybe to give the parents a time to parent that baby at home, to make memories and to soul connect without strangers around.
Maybe the funeral they want to create is non conventional, one they want to plan and to happen at home.
Dead babies do go home, for these reasons and many more.
It happens all over the world.
BUT in some places it is not happening, mostly because in the deepest darkest moments grieving parents don't even realize they can. Nurses, doctors,social workers, the ones who have been given the job of holding the hearts of grieving parents do not recognize this as an option. So parents are never given the chance to make that decision. Fear fuels this.
How do you feel about moms and dads who want to take their baby home? Does this scare you? What are your fears? Concerns? Do you see this as an option that moms and dads should have?
Would you go to a home funeral?
I need to know what you are thinking. I am wanting to advocate for this and knowing what discussions, thoughts and questions that may come back at me. would help me tremendously.
Please be honest, please don't write what you think I want to hear. Write from your heart. I will hear you, and I will honour where you are, without judgement. Please be brave and help me.